Marriage Is Like Totally Gay

[Picture of four wedding rings.]

Marriage was much more clearly defined back in the good ol’ days. They were days when families would marry their daughters off, when wives had to strictly obey their husbands’ every command, and when marriage had not yet been institutionalized by religion.1 It was a time when the idea of “divorce” was strange and bizarre, and when pedophilia and homosexuality was more widely accepted.

Today, fifty percent of marriages end in divorce; pedophilia and homosexuality turn stomachs; and married couples are allowed to file joint tax returns, create joint bank accounts, and receive certain tax breaks. Not to mention, marriage is no longer a contract, but a mere, superficial extension of love — a government sponsored, religiously instigated, nightmare ending, emotionless practicality!

So when people ask me, “Joe, are you for gay marriage?”, I respond, “No I am not. I am against all sinister institutions,” after which, they usually stare at me with a peculiar face.

I hope I’ve explained myself.

1 Indeed. Until 1545, the idea of a “Christian marriage” did not exist. Before then, marriage was a contract known as “verbum”.


4 Responses to “Marriage Is Like Totally Gay”

  1. According to Accordions Says:

    Very witty.

    You’re quite adept at employing sarcasm.

  2. Samuel Chen Says:

    Hear hear!

    Marriage is lame.

  3. I’m just curious: pedophilia and homosexuality was more widely accepted back then?

    Can you evaluate?

  4. @ Namine: I was referring to Ancient Greece.

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